“I Believe”

Deutsch: Franz Nölken: Schreibendes Mädchen, 1916
Franz Nölken: Schreibendes Mädchen, 1916

I believe in love and commitment.

I believe in the sanctity of late night ritual by candlelight.

I believe in the basic goodness of every person.

I believe in meditation and acting in such a way that I do not cause suffering to a sentient being.

I believe that when someone entrusts me with her or his heart, I become a better person every day.

I believe in giving and receiving, although the latter is excruciating for me!

I believe it is never too late to learn and explore old curiosities.

I believe in friendship, ensconced in the sharing of umbrellas and shorts, puppies, and yurts.

I believe in honesty or, at least, striving for that above all else, despite the need to protect the tender hearts of people.

I believe in the spirit of adventure but one must temper it with realism.

I believe at this point in my life, I have at least two handfuls of wisdom from which I can sift for complete sentences.

I believe in dancing because we are gorgeous when swaying to a searing guitar and pining saxophone.

I believe in process, taking time—whether that is to sleep, eat, cry, hold hands, be alone, read, make love, or taste the resounding quiet in a forest, just before spotting a blue jay.

I believe that peoples’ body language offers a more accurate assessment of their feelings than just words alone.

I believe I have a chance at a good job starting this July. It could make Chile a potential go!

I believe in #YesAllWomen, a Twitter hashtag in use the world over. Whether you are two or one hundred and five, all females should be safe in their person, homes, going for a walk, at schools, and in groups.

I believe in #YesAllWomen because in India recently, a group of men (including Police officers) raped and murdered two young teen girls and hung them from a tree. This must stop! The problem is not just India but everywhere on this globe.

I believe we need more good men to speak up and violent men to stop raping.

I believe in making things right.

I believe I always have trouble with closeness with women friends, given Mom’s six-decade long rejection and hatred of me, with she being my first relationship with another living soul and female.

I believe that, despite ideology (including positive psychology), not everyone can just change their thinking and nullify their eligibility to having bad things happen to them. It helps a lot but does not cure society’s ills.

I believe in assisting and empowering the people who need it. That is one reason I love free online courses from universities worldwide. I do not have the money to finish school yet but can expand my knowledge, expertise, flexibility, teaching capabilities, and confidence.

I believe that by broadening my knowledge, I can give back on a much bigger stage.

I believe in workouts that bring on a good sweat, followed by a swim, and half-hour in the steam room, where I can see nothing. It is then, while I rub my eyes, that I imagine myself perched on the precipice of branding a whole new life.

I believe I do not know how to deal with people at all and yet a part of me knows this is untrue.

I believe in continuing my life struggles with the same stubbornness that has held me thus far.

I believe in Words with Friends, Texas Hold’em poker (with play money), and word mongering, the last of which is online writing practice with a growing group of friends on Twitter.

I believe in meeting people’s eyes, standing solid in my truth.

I believe being self-disciplined is equally important to letting it all fall away at the proper time.

I believe in hugging a moment fiercely, squeezing the ‘be Dickens’ out of it.

I believe comparing ourselves to others—especially those society deems ‘better’ or more ‘respectable’– is soul damaging.

I believe in snowshoes, walking sticks, roughing it, and sharing dorms in youth hostels on windy autumn nights.

I believe society’s view that having resources or not is rooted solely in merit and hard work (never luck), laziness and a weak mind (never circumstances), does not reflect everybody’s truth. This may be valid for many but I think it is not a science, by any means. This matters to me because I am an exception, as are thousands of people I encounter in life.

I believe that as much as I need to discuss class, people will greet me with equal push or pull depending on where the pendulum swings at any given moment.

I believe and know that the topics I must write about are not to force my views on someone else. I work on myself only and can, and will, be wrong. All I want to do is learn and understand. That takes dialogue, not monologue.

I believe one side effect of needing therapy to live and being lonely is that I sometimes talk to people as if I am in an interview. I do not wait for questions and do not notice they never come. I tell some people a lot and only realize later, in tears, that I had not really made friends. I look at those people and can almost see them using their fingers to form an ‘L’ for loser over their heads. At these times, I feel I am just a pathetic example of what not to do and be in life.

I believe in struggling through this and all fear, ridicule, physical pain, defeat, negative thinking, disillusionment, and depression. Group think. Bureaucracy. Old tapes that are deafening. People who reiterate with exclamation marks all those old messages.

I believe and know it is great for me to encounter good men. I know they are there and value their presence in my life.

I believe in fair play, appreciating people at every turn, and meeting generosity and trust with heaps of the same.

I believe in second and third chances but also believe in stopping before it gets ridiculous and people get hurt.

I believe in optimism and hope; I will enter any skirmish to find it.

I believe in fun, yacking all night, and laughing myself silly.

 

Terry Gibson, 2014.

4 Replies to ““I Believe”

  1. Beautifully written, Terry. You are so NOT a loser or a pathetic example of anything. You’re a beautiful, caring, sensitive human survivor. You’re optimistic and embrace humor and sanctity of life. The world is a better place because you’re in it. I believe this! <3

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