Happy New Year, Dear Friends.
Like the last two years, 2018 was another tough one for many of us. I haven’t said much about that for me and had fallen silent of late. I guess that’s because I have a tendency to close off when I’m deeply troubled. Aren’t we supposed to stay positive, feign anything but the sadness and fear we might feel?
NO. WE. ARE. NOT.
I can’t afford to do that at all. Nor can I hold back my gratitude and love.
For this reason, I’m giving thanks today. My gratitude for life is lodged in my chest cavity. It’s a bit of a tight fit but I’m coping. LOL.
Winter in Vancouver is a gorgeous time to walk. The evening cold snaps like green beans between my thumb and forefinger during dinner preparations. My steps are carpeted with soggy or snow-covered maple, beech, and birch leaves and my breath hangs in the air. These moments are exhilarating and spark hope in me.
Unfortunately, those walks are shorter now. Often they don’t happen at all. They cause me pain that’s excruciating. My body has the gall to yell at me day and night.
That situation has become scary. Apparently, I don’t take my health seriously enough. What a strange thing to see myself writing given I’m always looking for ways to partake in and explore all paths that might improve my well-being. I drive my room mate batty with my chats about health and exercise. I won’t say more about that right now.
It’s foggy today, which creates a mood of mystery and intrigue. When I was a kid, I watched lots of vampire shows, Alfred Hitchcock movies, and Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone. I love suspense so much, I’m content to ride out this time, even when I feel incredibly alone.
My chest still feels tight, but I have a suspicion dehydrating and an infusion of endorphins will be the winning combo tonight. Exercise and a good sweat will help a lot.
Did you know Vancouver had a rainbow in the fog today on my grandmother’s 107th birthday? A fogbow? Fascinating.
PS: Suddenly my insecurity is wrestling with me. I’m not wanting to publish this. However, freshly inspired by @RachelintheOC’s #MondayBlogs post this morning, I won’t let it go. Here it is then, thorns, warts and all.